


I've Used All My Love Up On You

by ThatMerlinFangirl



Series: Life is a Precious Thing [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Romance, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-04
Updated: 2016-06-04
Packaged: 2018-07-12 06:43:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7089577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatMerlinFangirl/pseuds/ThatMerlinFangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin is dying of a terminal illness. Mordred visits him in hospital with a box of old photographs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I've Used All My Love Up On You

**Author's Note:**

> Just a side note, I will be posting more fics set in this universe v. soon since I've got a lot of ideas. Thank you for reading.

"Oh my God," Merlin laughs loudly, his face lit up like Christmas tree lights. "Do you remember that? We were waiting in line for ice cream and Gwaine was pretending to hump Arthur as a joke and that little girl just gave us the dirtiest look I've ever seen."

Mordred chuckles, stroking a thumb over their intertwined hands. The box of photographs that he bought is spilt across the rumpled sheets, a glorious burst of glossy colour in this bland white box of bright lights and zero germ tolerance.

"Hey - look at this. Now that is what you call master photography." Merlin holds up another one, taken three years ago when they all spent Christmas together in Switzerland. It's Mordred and Morgana stood together on the hilltop when the snow fell. They're in thick coats and woollen hats, clasping takeaway hot chocolates and laughing at something while the wooden village, blanketed in snow, sleeps in the valley. It's beautiful and surreal, an illustration out of a storybook.

"I seem to recall that you fell over and dumped your hot chocolate all over Gwen after taking that." Mordred smirks.

"Shut up." Merlin punches Mordred's shoulder playfully but his wasted body is so feeble that it leads to a coughing fit, hacking into a tissue, his shoulders racked with tremors. 

Mordred rubs his back to ease him through it, a hand on his knee to keep him steady. He can hear the rattling of bones, fragile and delicate as a baby bird's.

"Yeah. Not one of my finest moments," Merlin laughs shakily as it subsides, tucking the tissue away. He picks up a handful of photos. "Do you think Morgana took these?"

Mordred takes one of them to look at. It's in their flat, on a Friday night when Gwen and Morgana always come round for chips and Dr Who. He and Merlin are cuddled up on the sofa together, which creaks and sags with old age. As the pictures progress, they get gradually more flirtatious until the last one which is a kiss.

"Such a pervert," Merlin smiles fondly. "She always was. Although I'm kinda glad about that or I'd never have met you."

Of course, Morgana would be the one who introduced Mordred to the love of his life - her matchmaking skills are second to none. He picks up another photo of her, this time with Merlin, engaged in intense conversation over glasses of wine. The house could catch fire, turn inside out and come under attack by aliens and they'd still be too busy debating some point of Dickens or Shakespeare to notice.

"You looked adorable in that jumper," Merlin says thoughtfully. "Why did you never wear it afterwards?"

Mordred blushes when he sees the picture, from another Christmas. "Because it made me look about five years old!"

"Oh admit it, you still adore Winnie the Pooh."

"I - I do not!"

"Yes you do."

"Merlin, I am incredibly insulted. I may have to report this to the police."

"You do that love."

"Shut up." Mordred leans forward to press a kiss to his cheek but ends up planting it on his ear instead which makes Merlin giggle.

More memories rise to the surface and then sink below the waves in a blur of images. Long walks across rambling moors. Arthur and Gwen's wedding day, outside in a beautiful garden where the silk of cherry blossom fell like raindrops. Nighttime in London, silhouettes of black velvet studded with gems. A blue, blue sky and a hazy golden beach. Slivers of fire in Autumn. Watching fireworks paint the sky in technicolour. Gwaine, joking around. Arthur, being a prat as usual. Gwen's kind smile. Lancelot, always there for you. Morgana, stunning in a sleeveless black evening gown.

As they flicker before his eyes, Mordred watches Merlin, his skin white and blossoming with bruises, his cheekbones practically slicing his face open (still sexy though), his hair growing back in tufty black feathers, his body lost to the crippling effects of illness. Yet he is _glowing_ , eyes sparkling, cheeks crinkled in an eternal smile, so animated and flush and breathing and so _alive_ that it hurts, physically hurts Mordred to look at him.

"It's kind of annoying that I can't eat ice cream any more," Merlin says. "I really wanted to try that cookie dough stuff you had at Joe's..."

The fragment of voice dances through his mind. Mordred can't understand how something so trivial can matter so much to Merlin when he's _dying_ , his whole life is being so abruptly cut off and the sight of him so golden and happy and full of life is just so _unfair_ when he's so ill and other perfectly healthy people are doing nothing with their lives.

"...Mordred?"

Mordred realises he's crying, the tears dripping silently down his face and landing with a _plop_ on the photograph he's holding.

"Oh love, what's the matter? Tell me, please." Merlin's arms are around his neck, his soft, sweet lips kissing away tears, a hand buried in Mordred's hair and his heart _aches_.

"I-I-" Mordred sniffs, scrubbing a sleeve over his eyes. "I just don't understand how you can be so happy when you're d-dying and you'll never see your friends again and..." He cracks and bursts into noisy sobs, clinging to Merlin tightly. "I don't want you to go."

And it's so stupid, he should be the one comforting Merlin but here he is bawling like a baby as Merlin rocks him back and forth, soothing him with kisses.

"I don't want to leave you either," Merlin murmurs into his hair. "But you know. I figured that I don't have much of a life left so I need to enjoy it as much as I can. Dying's not really scary if you think about it. I mean, everyone does it. Like everyone poops, right?"

It seems so ridiculous to bring up poop of all things at a time like this that Mordred snorts and chokes on tears.

They hold each other for a long time, kissing and kissing, and Mordred shifts onto the bed to get closer to Merlin.

"What am I going to do without you?" he whispers.

"You're going to live your life and travel to Australia and be with your amazing friends and eat popcorn ice cream and fall in love with a bloke who actually deserves you."

"I love _you_." Mordred says stubbornly.

"You can't stay hung up on me forever love. You need to move on, love your life."

"I don't think I could ever love someone else."

"That's sweet but it's not true."

"It is!"

Mordred cups Merlin's face in his hands. "I won't love anyone else. I know I won't be able to. I've used all my love up on you."

Merlin starts to speak but Mordred kisses him to shut him up and they both cling to the moment, a memory to gather up and store away, to be held onto and treasured forever.

Just like a photograph.


End file.
